Secretly rich (even to himself) Wei Wuxian AU wherein Wei Wuxian starts to anonymously sell original Tailsmans and Arrays when he’s young and puts the money away in a secret account. He doesn’t really use it except for emergencies so even he wasn’t aware of how much money he had accumulated over the years until he needed to pull some money out for something.
oh! oh! what if when he’s a teen he sets up an account on Cultivation Redbubble where he uploads his talisman designs and then people can order his talismans and the site prints them and mails them out automatically. and he doesn’t actually expect to sell that many, but nie huaisang had been pestering him about selling his talismans, so whatever. he uploads like twenty of his favorite talismans, links to his savings account, and promptly forgets about it.
fast forward to several years later, wei wuxian is halfway through college and just got disowned by the jiangs. he’s scrambling to find enough part time work to somehow pay for tuition so he doesn’t have to drop out, and nie huaisang gives him the most disbelieving look and says, why don’t you just use your talisman money? and wei wuxian is like what talisman money??? and this is how he finds out that Yiling Patriarch Talismans (oh god why did he choose such an embarrassing name for his account) is MASSIVELY popular. there is an insane amount of speculation on internet forums about who could be behind the account, whether they are *actually* brand new designs, if it’s even possible for one person to create that many new talismans, and most importantly, WHEN WILL HE RELEASE MORE?!!??
after nearly dying from shock, wei wuxian digs up the savings account, is able to pay for the rest of the year’s tuition, and then turns the talisman community on its head once again by uploading another batch of twenty designs
my brain won’t let this go, so here are more thoughts about this au:
when he made the account, the shop bio just has the sentence “if these sell, i might upload some more lol”
this obviously leads to so much speculation on the forums about how surely enough have sold by now how many sales will it take to get new ones?!?!
many people try over the years to claim that they are the real Yiling Patriarch™, but none of them can prove it
his work has been cited in several academic papers. wei wuxian finds this hilarious.
when he uploads his new designs, he also edits his bio: “hey everyone! thanks for paying for my college! here’s some new goodies!” this sets off a new flurry of discourse about whether he’s trolling them or he actually *was* a high school student when he originally posted.
i love when people are like “Oh my god, I couldn’t possibly imagine being asexual, how sad, you’re missing so much…” Bitch!!! You know what’s sad? Being gluten intolerant. If you placed two pills in front of me right now, one which would turn me allosexual and one which would enable me to tear into a freshly-baked oven-warm olive-and-rosemary ciabatta without utterly destroying my body, it would not even be a choice. “hyuhhh-duhhhh aren’t you worried you’ll die alone” aren’t you worried i’ll just launch myself over the bakery counter in our local grocery store one day and stuff croissants in my mouth like a starving racoon til i die and the whole place has to be closed down as a health risk while they peel my bloated body off the linoleum floor? You should be
What i have learned from the tags of this post is that there is a whole community of gluten intolerant asexuals and we are all DESPERATELY horny for bread
I’m not even gluten intolerant and I’d go for the bread
I’m not even ace, but that’s still absolutely fuckin reasonable to me
There is a REASON aces celebrate with cake. ALWAYS CHOOSE BREAD
im allosexual and can eat bread and let me tell you if the choice is sex or bread it’s not even a contest. bread every time.
These ten ducklings were found orphaned and they were brought to a pet duck called Stella who had just hatched nine of her own two weeks prior. She immediately claimed the ten as her own.
i know we’ve all been warned that art is the biggest snitch but no one tells you that reading your own writing will make you realize things about yourself that you wouldn’t confess to while being waterboarded
